Thursday, 3 August 2017

Sometimes I Feel like a Fraud...

You're sick today. Infact today is probably one of the worst days you've had in a while. Your legs feel like jelly, your brain feels as though you are dreaming and you know the world could cascade below you at any moment. So why when you finally build up the courage to say to someone "I really don't feel well," do you feel like a fraud? 

If you had the flu or a sickness bug, you wouldn't feel guilty. You would stop what you were doing and give in to the sickness and hug the toilet bowl until the bug finally left your body. So why is it with your chronic illness that when you can't stand or sit without nearly passing out or when your calves hurt with so much pain you wish to scratch them from your body, you feel guilt? 

You often worry people don't believe you, because if they can't see it, it must not be real, but if you don't stand firm yourself and learn when your body has had enough, how can anyone else support you, or really know what it is that you need.

Your mind plays tricks on you and some days the mental battle of living with a chronic illness is worse than the physical, because how tiring is it to be in a constant battle with your own mind. 

With time you may find a strength and a community who supports and understands you, they will remind you that this IS your life now and your feelings ARE very real and warranted. 

You are NOT a fraud and whether you believe it right now or not, you have got this. Maybe not today, maybe not even tomorrow, but over time you will see the warrior fighting from within. 

Until then, practice self care and love yourself all that you can.

Until Next Time 

B x 


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